If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize