You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
