He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
