Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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