I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
