Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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