one two three fourrrrnication!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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