the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's always time for handjobs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
