Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
