and my herpes radar will keep us safe
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize