You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
