True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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