Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
