sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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