Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
