you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
