It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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