you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
