Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
