Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
