i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had sex on a roof
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
