I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
