You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
