what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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