i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
