i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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