She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
