Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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