i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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