Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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