remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
