i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
