Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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