I need help removing her.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
