just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
