Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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