You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
