dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
