He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
