too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
