Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
