They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
