pedialite and red bull = repair kit
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
