I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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