Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My dick has a subreddit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
