I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
