There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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