Nicole vs. Life
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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