my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
