ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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