At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
