after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
