well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
