hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
