Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
