Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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