Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
