Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
