I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
