she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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