If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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