You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
