Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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