I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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